Pretty sure everyone knows I broke my leg. It's been a truly unbelievable experience. I would just like to talk about it today. Enjoy~!
It was April 2nd, 2013. The first game of region play. We were playing at Jordan. I was playing the best game of the season so far. Sometime during the second half, I got kicked in the side of my leg. I don't remember who, I don't remember when, but I do remember my leg hurting. After the game, I could hardly walk. Coach chewed me out for playing poorly in the second half. I went home, iced, went to bed.
April 3rd, 2013 - honestly, the happiest day of my life. I opened my mission call that day. The absolute thrill of knowing where I will spend the next two years of my life was awesome. My leg really hurt that day, and I had trouble walking up stairs. I tried to practice but I couldn't really run and everything hurt. I tried so hard to play, but ended up sitting on the sideline icing my leg. The trainer said that I probably had a separated calf muscle. But, it didn't matter. My mission call came. Everyone came over to my house. I opened it up. Stockholm Sweden. SWEET. (Another story for another day). I was ready for the next day. The coolest game of the year. Brighton vs Alta at Rio Tinto. I was going to play.
April 4th, 2013 - a date that will forever be engrained in my mind. I iced all through school, I massaged, I used Icy-Hot, I heated, I did anything and everything to get my leg ready. At the game, during JV I just heated in the locker-room. A different trainer had mentioned earlier that day that I may have fractured my fibula. But I wasn't a baby, it probably wasn't broken, and he said I could play on it, even if it was broken. I thought it was just a bruise or a muscle. I never actually thought it was broken. I had the trainer tape it and I started to warm up. It kinda hurt still, but it was doable.
I started that game, unknown to me, on a broken leg.
I played the first minute and thirty seconds when on a throw in, with a club team mate guarding me, I spun to my right, placing all my weight on my right leg, and a crazy amount of pressure on my fibula as my body turned to my right. At the same time, I was kicked right where it was broken. The turn and impact together did it. I felt it break. I fell down, pretty confident that it was broken. But I did not give up. I got back up. I got back up. I got back up. I tried to walk on it. I struggled. But I fought through the pain. I kept playing. I got the ball passed to me. I quickly passed it to Alex Temptest. A shot of excruciating pain shot up my leg. The ball landed at my foot again. I wound up and shot as hard as I can from about 20 yards away. The ball went no where and my leg felt like it was being bit by the flaming mouth of thousands of scorpions who had just eaten a ghost pepper. I was done. I couldn't do it. I called for a sub and limped off the field. I asked the trainer to retape it so I could go back in. Coach wouldn't let me. I went and sat down, and just bawled. I wanted to play in this game. I wanted to beat Brighton. I didn't want to watch. I remembering looking up to the sky and saying "Dear God, please do not let my leg be broken. Please, oh please do not let it be broken. But never the less, not my will, but thine by done."We lost, 1-0 on a PK that game. It was hard for me to watch.
After the game, my mom drove me to a clinic to get my leg X-rayed. When the nurse came back into the room and said, "I'm so sorry. It's broken." I did not believe her. I truly didn't think I had broken it. I was walking on it (limping). It did not look broken. How could it be broken. She wheel-chaired me to the X-ray room where my leg was projected onto a screen. Sure enough, a crack straight through my bone. I sat there and tears started to fall. I knew I was done. I would never play high school soccer every again. The nurse left. And I looked at my mom. I said "Mom. I'm never going to play soccer ever again." And she looked back and said "I know. I am so sorry." And we hugged. We hugged like we never have before. We held the embrace for minutes, both of just sobbing. She just repeated. I am so sorry. I am so sorry. I left the clinic with a boot and crutches, and a broken soul.
For the next four weeks, I would have to deal with a boot and crutches. People underestimate how hard it is to move on crutches and how frustrating they can be. When you lose a leg, you also lose your hands because of crutches. You can't do anything and walk at the same time. Your crutches fall constantly. Your arms get so tired. Your friends go and play basketball or go on a hike and you sit there. You lose all your muscle and gain lots of fat because it is impossible to work out in any way. It is hard. I will not say it was easy. It was trying physically and emotionally.
There were some days when I would curse God for doing this. Why me? Why my senior year? Why when I was a captain? Why did it have to happen to me? I didn't understand sometimes. I wanted it to be someone else. I was bitter. I hated it. I will be honest, I was not happy at first. But I realized, God has a plan for me. He loves me. He knows what's best for me. His plan is better than mine. Immediately, I became extremely grateful for this opportunity. I was going to learn so much about patience. I was going to learn so much about myself. I was going to learn about my friends. This was a learning and growing experience.
6 weeks later, I want to tell you what I've learned:
1) I have a Heavenly Father. He loves me so much that he'll put me in hard situations so I can grow closer to him. I know so much more about the Atonement of Jesus Christ. He not only suffered for my sins, and died so I can live after death. But he also felt every pain I have felt. He felt my leg get kicked. He felt the top half of the bone grinding on top of the bottom half. He felt my emotional pain of having to watch my team lose. He felt the frustration of having your crutches fall. HE FELT ALL OF IT. And I could know that if he went through it, so can I.
2) God has a plan. Sometimes life doesn't go the way you want it to, and it is okay. It'll all work out for you in the end. God is setting you up for the greatest happiness you can feel. So don't worry, when things go wrong. EVERYTHING IS ACCORDING TO PLAN.
3) I have some amazing friends. Stephen Hawks, Megan Skalla, Macie Gee, Claire Anderson, Michele Murphy, and RJ Beard deserve immense shout outs for loving me and caring for me.
4) I didn't have to be sad. I could choose happiness.
I want you all to know that I love my broken leg. I love that trail. It has made me a better human being. I thank my Heavenly Father for it. I want you to know I have an immense testimony that I have a Father in Heaven, who loves me and who is involved in my life. I know that Christ came to this Earth and sacrificed himself so that he could learn what it felt like to be me. I love you all. Thank you for reading.
